Recently added best man material
To keep all our best man speech content current, we add brand new material to the site every day, with all content written by a variety of professional comic, script and speech writers. Here's just a small selection of this month's new lines, now added to our ever-expanding speech content database:
(A sample of the new lines we've added in January)
[Revealing a funny groom trait / Facebook/Twitter obsessed]
I like the way that (Groom) and (Bride) have decided to make this a truly modern wedding. And I think it's only fair that seeing as the invites were sent over Facebook, I'm just going to text you all my best man's speech.
[Opening lines / Self deprecating icebreaker]
Good evening and welcome. This is my first experience in playing such a large role in a wedding, and I appreciate the bride and groom giving me the opportunity to make a fool of myself amongst their friends and family, giving mine own a much needed break.
[Best man's relationship to groom / Recent friend]
Very quickly, I’d like to thank Linda’s father for allowing Paul to marry his daughter. Three years ago people were beginning to think that we were a couple.
[Bride compliments / Admiration for the bride]
Paul, you are a lucky groom. You’ve got Linda, who is beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving, caring and, it has to be said, a bit of a babe! Linda, you've got a great job with even greater career prospects, so stay focused and you should have some consolation after today.
[Humorous wedding observations / Bridesmaids]
The bridesmaids have retained their radiance and dignity all day, apart from that brief episode when the bouquet was thrown. It was like watching a girl group scrabble over a solo recording contract with Simon Cowell.
[Opening lines / Cocky icebreaker]
Some people get nervous about giving speeches, but I do this all the time. On Monday I spoke at the AGM of Gamblers Anonymous. On Tuesday I delivered a speech to a group of drug crime probationers. And on Wednesday I spoke at the Survivors of Sexual Slavery fundraising ball. So, this is the fourth time the bride’s father has had to sit through my jokes this week. Sorry, John. I’ll keep it brief …
[Humorous wedding observations / Marquee]
Ladies and gentlemen, before I start, just a bit of housekeeping: in the event of a fire, the nearest exit is under any of the walls.
[Mocking groom’s career / Banking]
It’s fair to say that Paul’s achieved more than most of us expected in his life. When he was a child, one of his schoolteachers wrote a very blunt report saying that he would never amount to anything more than a common thief or immoral scrounger. But now, of course, he’s a banker!
[Mocking groom’s hobbies / Photography]
Paul’s love for photography and for Linda goes hand-in-hand. He’s been taking photos of her for six years now… although she only knows about the last three.
[Mocking groom’s hobbies / Music]
I’m sure you’ll all agree the music at the wedding today was beautiful. Paul considers himself a musical man, although Linda tells me he has no sense of rhythm, is terrible at oratorio, and always crescendos far too early.