Opening lines

I went through eight drafts getting this speech perfected. Three pints of IPA, two London Prides, a couple of Guinnesses, and an Old Speckled Hen.

I was a shoe-in to be best man, even though Lee had concerns over my drinking habit - but I promised not to wear it. I'm not even a nun.

I must apologise to Kathryn for my comments before the ceremony began. She came up to me and wished me good luck for the speech. I thanked her, and said I'd be taking a couple of shots to calm my nerves. Bad thing to say to an American. She immediately ran for cover.