Best man jokes for weddings in Mar-2013

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.

Displaying 13 topical best man speech jokes

  1. Well, it's been a very emotional day, we've all shed some tears, I've even seen grown men crying... but enough about Girls Aloud splitting up.

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  2. Secret courts have been passed into British law for the first time, meaning that in matters of national security a government will theoretically be able to make a case against you without even telling you what the charges and evidence are. Unthinkable in a judicial setting, perhaps, but show me a husband who hasn’t heard the phrase ‘if you don’t know what you’ve done wrong, I’m not going to be the one to tell you!’

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  3. The last surviving hero of WWII’s Arctic convoy has been honoured this week at a Buckingham Palace medal ceremony. I don’t suppose (Bride & Groom) can imagine what it must be like to be stuck on a seemingly endless journey through a frigid, hostile wasteland. Constantly on edge … wondering whether your next mistake will be your last … but give ‘em a few years of marriage.

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  4. There are many reasons to take a wife. Love … companionship … security … or if you’re a Liberal Democrat MP, someone to take the penalty points on your license.

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  5. (Groom)’s got a reputation for tall tales, but if you catch him on a good day, he’s no worse than a supermarket lasagne … 50% bull … give or take.

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  6. It is said that a successful married couple will end up so close that they can finish each other’s sentences, just like Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce.

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  7. After many years of happy bachelorhood, the time is finally right for (Groom) to take a wife. He’s got six points on his license and he desperately needs someone to take the fall for his next speeding ticket.

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  8. There's speculation that Hollywood star Jennifer Aniston's wedding gown will be a Valentino. Mark here also appreciates a famous brand name with an 'o' on the end for the Big Day: that suit's from Tesco

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  9. I hope Helen & Martin know how lucky they are to have found each other. Looking for your soul-mate is like trying to find Chris Huhne's moral conscience or Lance Armstrong’s integrity. Only a faint trail remains …

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  10. It's great that David Cameron is doing his bit for getting couples together and protecting the sanctity of marriage... by keeping alcohol prices low.

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  11. I know that a lot of people are concerned about the state of the NHS. But Sophie, you can rest easy, because Mark has his own private healthcare. I say private healthcare; what I mean is he has a first aid kit in the shed, along with a very decent set of hacksaws.

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  12. You may have seen the story about the man who fell into a sinkhole in Tampa, Florida last week. Well, I'm worried it's given (Groom) ideas. He told me he wanted to make the earth move for (Bride) when they're on their honeymoon…..

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  13. Sorry if you can’t hear me. I’ve got a throat like an economy lasagne this week. It’s a little bit hoarse.

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