Best Man Toasts and Roasts
Every best man speech should entertain the audience. But it's essential not to lose sight of what you're there to do: celebrate the union of two wonderful people. The material in this section often makes jibes at the groom's expense, but is ultimately heartwarming, and will put a smile on the faces of everyone. There's some specifically US-style content in here too.
The Wry Best Man
(In possession of a wit dryer than the Sahara? This speech will help you make the most of your reputation, and win the audience over in style. Just make sure people know you're joshing.)
In this speech, the Best Man works his way through a satirical account of key moments he shared with the Groom at school. Witty asides present the Groom as a fortunate guy who is punching above his weight in marrying the Bride. The Best Man mocks himself along the way too; self-deprecating wit will go a long way in making your speech go down a storm.
Welcome families, welcome friends, welcome designated drivers. What a joyous occasion this is for all of us, apart from the designated drivers. No wedding has ever been graced by a lovelier bride. Linda, you are a vision to behold. And Paul, congratulations on having a shave.
A Celebratory Wedding Toast
(As Best Man, there's no shame in showing how emotional you are about this wedding. Adding a touch of levity will make your speech well-rounded; that way, less people are inclined to reach for the sick bucket.)
This Best Man speech is an example of a celebratory wedding toast. The newlyweds are remembered as high school sweethearts, perfectly suited and destined to spend their lives together. The Best Man pays tribute to the perseverance and persistence of the Groom. This speech also demonstrates how to inject humour, so that the compliments don't become nauseating.
Hi everybody! My name’s Jason and I’ve been a good friend of both the Bride and Groom for a long, long time now. In fact I’ve been a pal to these two for so long, and I’ve come to love them so much, that when their first four best man choices backed out, I leapt at the chance!
The Deadpan Wedding Toast
(A Best Man illustrates the depth of his friendship with the Groom, and provides an honest perspective on the life that awaits him. Yes you guessed it, not everything in said awaiting life is so peachy.)
This speech shows how a deliberately impassive Best Man (with an overly-casual approach to the role) can be a superb source of entertainment. In an amusing matter-of-fact style the Best Man explains his dilemma in deciding what to include and what not to include in his speech. He also gives the Groom advice on the things he learnt during the early days of his own marriage. It's that old Best Man speech trick: Ostensibly taking married life to task, but actually celebrating it. You wily Best Man, you.
Already a married man myself, Paul would often come to me for all sorts of relationship advice. I say he'd come to me... I'd usually already be round his, hiding from my wife.
Forward-thinking Best Man
(A sentimental speech from a Best Man gushing with praise for the newlyweds. But still hilarious, mind.)
The early stages of the happy couple’s romance are covered by a Best Man who was there. The speech serves as a template for an optimistic, forward-thinking toast with displays of sentiment and enthusiasm. Yet things never get too syrupy or sentimental: It's a Best Man speech, not a eulogy!
This is a truly exhilarating day for everyone here, but especially our wonderful newlyweds. And if I've understood this marriage lark correctly, things will be even more exhilarating for you two in thirty years' time.
Make Yourself Comfortable
(Think you've got natural flair of your own? If you’re comfortable with fibbing, embellishing a story and sticking with a loose theme, this type of format could work well for you. Give it a trial before the Big Day so as to ensure you're happy doing it.)
In this speech, the Best Man conveys the merits of a good natured Groom prone to occasional laziness. This is a masterclass in Best Man storytelling. If you're able to take this speech and make it your own, you'll win over the entire audience.
Welcome everyone to this festive occasion celebrating the wedding of my dear friend Paul and his splendid bride, Linda. I look around tonight and I see family, I see friends. I also see some entirely new faces. Amazing what plastic surgery is capable of these days.
Best Man Pays His Dues
(Was the Groom was your Best Man? How good of him! Here are plenty of suggestions for returning the favour.)
Here, the Best Man chronicles the Groom’s bachelor years with the artistic license that comes with all wedding speeches (yes you're allowed to lie a bit). A cherished friendship is celebrated by way of tongue-in-cheek 'recollections'.
Paul had the honour of being the best man at my wedding. I remember he took months crafting a speech that was at once heart-warmingly emotional, and devilishly funny. It made the whole room laugh at one moment, then bring a tear to their eye the next. My wife said it was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard, and I agreed. Unfortunately Paul, I'm a married man, so haven't had the time to do all that.
The Office
(If your friendship with the Groom was born at the office, this speech contains some ready-to-read gags that will help you to nail it as Best Man.)
As a work colleague, the formative parts of the Groom’s life may be out of reach because you just weren’t there. But don't panic! There are plenty of ways you can relate your professional experiences together as the basis of a meaningful wedding speech. Anyway, he's probably spent more time with you at work than he has with his new wife.
I’ve always wanted to have the honour of toasting a good man and great friend. But I guess that will have to wait, because I’m going to toast Paul instead.
An Overseas Wedding
(Have the Bride and Groom flown you over to tropical climes to celebrate their wedding? It's time to pay them back with a sizzling Best Man speech.)
If you can draw on something that everyone in the audience has in common, you’ve struck wedding speech gold. Remember, not everyone knows both the Bride and Groom. In fact, most will properly know only one of them. If everyone has travelled a long distance for the wedding, you've got a ready-made springboard. This speech shows you how to leap off that springboard, and make a successful landing.
We've all travelled quite a way to be here today. I think you'll all agree it was more than worth it. As for those who travelled by easyJet, we'll have to find out if they think it was worth it when they arrive here tomorrow evening.
Surreal Speech from an Alternative Best Man
(Here's an imaginative wedding toast from a Best Man who enjoys telling tall tales. This is not your average Best Man speech. But with the right audience, it'll offer a fresh and funny alternative.)
Want a Best Man speech that's something out of the ordinary? Then read on. Here, the Best Man gives meandering accounts of the absurd situations the Groom often finds himself in, as well as his questionable logic. The humour is of the Eddie Izzard ilk rather than punchy one-liners. This speech comes with a warning: Make sure you know the Bride and her family well if you plan on attempting this sort of humour. Eddie Izzard ain't for everyone.
How do I admire Paul? Let me count the ways. This won’t take long. Okay, I've thought of one. Paul, my friend, I admire your sense of adventure; your willingness to go to new places and to try new things. Every time a new strip club opens, Paul is the first to get down there. Auditioning.
A Familiar Best Man
(Weddings are great occasions. You’re happy, the audience is happy, and the newlyweds are happiest of all. Right then - time to throw some biting humour into the mix.)
The Groom’s inability to make decisions is at the centre of this entertaining offering from a Best man who’s been by the Groom’s side for twenty years. This speech will suit you if you know the Groom well, and understand his (and the Bride's) sense of humour. If they don't have much of a sense of humour, tone it down a tad.
Today is very special to me. It’s not just the honour of being Paul and Linda’s best man. It’s not just the privilege of being asked to speak at their wedding. It’s the free meal. That … and the money!
An Old College Flatmate
(Here, the Best Man uses his toast time to fill the Bride in on some of the secrets to surviving life with the Groom.)
Does the Bride know what she's let herself in for? Here, the Best Man provides a few tips for getting through the day in the company of the Groom. The Best Man also questions the Bride’s parents' decision to allow the Groom’s crew of college friends into the wedding reception. Plenty of college-inspired yarns follow.
Linda, you look ravishing tonight. I know I speak for everyone here when I say that, as lucky as we all are to have you in our lives, Paul is even luckier. He can afford beer again now you've got that joint bank account.
A Jewish Wedding
(A Jewish wedding opens up the opportunity to throw in plenty of references to the religion and culture. This speech gives you a few ideas as to what those jokes might be. )
In this Jewish wedding toast, the Best Man is the Groom’s brother. He gives a fond round-up of why the Groom is ready for marriage (and why perhaps he isn't). Self-deprecation is another quality of this speech.
I'm not sure how many of you have seen the updated version of the ketubah? As well as providing Linda with food, clothing, and marital relations, Paul must also ensure the food is gourmet, the clothes are designer, and the marital relations are... how should I put this... fulfilling. Ah well, Paul. At least you're a decent cook.
The Straight-Faced Best Man
(The Best Man provides a humorous take on the Groom's determination to get a date with the Bride, as well as his general competitiveness.)
If you’re confident enough to poke fun at yourself, and understand the difference between self-serving and self-deprecating humor, this speech contains plenty of punchlines for you. Remember, a good dose of deadpan humor will bring your audience closer, so seize the opportunity when you can!
Paul’s gotten down on bended knee only twice in his life: last year, when he asked Linda to become his wife, and last night, when he begged me not to mention a word about the bachelor party. Actually Linda, not wanting to brag, but he actually got on both knees for me...
The Best Man’s Balancing Act
(A Groom and Best Man have been inseparable throughout their childhood.)
Some Best Men go for the laughs, some Best Men go for the heartstrings; this Best Man is going for the double whammy! This speech will show you how you can mix it up and cater for all camps.
Hi everybody. I’m Jason and (I love saying this!) I am the Best Man. But today isn't just about me. Paul, let's talk a bit about the second best man here today... your father, Jim.
A Best Man Happy In The Spotlight
(The Best Man provides his own perspective on how the Groom is the perfect friend.)
Here are some smart ideas from a Best Man who’s at home with the microphone. This kind of speech will suit a more casual wedding crowd.
I’ll try to keep my speech short. For one thing, I know Paul is eager to get on the dance floor and prove to Linda he has NOT been boozing away his dance lesson money at the bar every week for five months.
High School Football Buddies
(The Best Man remembers the Groom as a high school teammate and outstanding athlete. )
If high school football is a big thing you have in common, this template could be invaluable in helping you tie your thoughts together.
I apologize if my best man speech isn't as good as it could be. I think Paul must have asked every member of our football team to do this before he got to me. I only got a one-minute warning.