Wedding ceremony jokes for a best man

(May 2018)

Every wedding ceremony is unique, depending on the choices a couple makes in regard to the church, minister, music and wedding vows. An effective way to get a wedding reception crowd on your side is draw on common ground, and the one thing you all definitely share is that you witnessed the wedding ceremony.

A quarter of couples get married in a church according to this wedding survey and who doesn't think church jokes are good for a laugh?

A best man who makes a funny statement or observation about the particulars of the wedding service will be well received because everyone present will be able to relate to the joke.

To help you out, we've come up with some material for a best man to sprinkle in to their speech, followed up by a joke for a self-centred groom.

  1. "The vicar stopped us in the church car park to tell us: "You can't park here. It's badge holders only." Gary said: "But I have got a bad shoulder."

  1. "The best man plays a crucial role at a wedding but it's important not to let the responsibility go to your head. Unlike the minister today, who I thought was really self-obsessed. It's all hymn, hymn, hymn."

  1. "I couldn't help notice that when we arrived at the church this morning Gary was carrying his golf clubs. I asked him: "What are your golf clubs doing here? "He said: "Well, this isn't going to take all day, is it?"

  1. "I've never been to a church wedding before, and when I spotted the collection box I did wonder if we gave the money up front the minister might let the groom go."

  1. "I'm sure you'll agree that the minister conducted a most beautiful wedding ceremony. I'm not saying I was surprised but I found him to be a totally different person in church. I guess it was his alter ego."

  1. "Nerves got the better of Gary this morning and once we arrived in church he started feeling ill. I advised him to go around the back of the church and throw up behind a bush. Within about two minutes he'd returned to his seat. "Did you throw up? I asked. "Yes" replied Gary. "Well, how could you have returned from the back of the church so quickly?" "I didn't have to leave the church" Gary replied, "The have a box on the way out that says 'for the sick'."

  1. "The bridesmaids get a lot of attention at weddings so much so they are the subject of the groom's toast. Well, to balance things out, I would like to give a special mention to the Ushers who had the extremely difficult job of directing people to their seats. And these were Seats that were located in obstruction free areas with full visibility. Well done lads, you absolutely nailed it."

And here's one for a groom ...

  1. "When I told Karen I didn't want to waste money on decorating the church with flowers, she started crying and said I was a self-centred bastard. You should have seen the look on my face."