Best man joke of the month

May 2023

Now I know what you’re all thinking, doesn’t the best man look great in his suit! I would like to comment that this is down to a fitness regime which includes me doing at least 50 push-ups a day for the last three months. But I should mention that none of them have actually been intentional – I’ve just been collapsing a lot from all the nerves and stress.

April 2023

I’d now like to focus on Paul for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time you'll ever be the centre of attention.

March 2023

For those of you without the internet I'll update you on (Bride’s) Facebook account, which she's secretly using under the table as I speak. (checks phone) Her status has been changed to 'married', both of her parents immediately 'disliked' this, and 32 guys in this room have already poked her.

February 2023

The groom is a popular guy and could have had his pick of any number of best men. So that’s exactly what he did. In order to be up here today I had to go through five stages of auditions, boot camp, face the public vote, and sing a duet with Rihanna.

January 2023

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Jason, and I am the best man. Let me just say that the groom has a splendid set of friends and to be chosen from such esteemed company was something of a surprise. And since that moment I have struggled almost daily with an uneasy sensation, which I can compare only to the first disagreeable feelings which usually precede a fit of sea-sickness.

December 2022

Paul and Linda began their relationship like a regular pair of love birds, by spending almost every moment together - during which time Linda tried to decide if she could do any better. And seeing as they made it this far, I can only assume Paul had her wings clipped.

November 2022

Of course, the Groom has always been incredibly image conscious, but this morning was particularly bad – he spent three hours in the bathroom! To get an idea of what that’s like, why not agree to make a wedding speech?

October 2022

The groom is a very talented man. Very talented indeed … He’s a gifted inventor, a shrewd business man, a deep thinker and a noted connoisseur of the arts. He’s so talented he can fake all of that.

September 2022

Some of you will be wondering why it’s me stood up here today, when Paul has always made friends so easily. It’s because, out of the two of us he didn’t make out of plasticine, I drew the short straw.

August 2022

The Groom has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on his behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…