Christmas Best Man Speech Humour

(December 2016)

Winter. It's not all frozen pensioners and black ice, you know. There's log fires and egg nog and cuddly jumpers, and Family Circle biscuit selections... 'Tis the season to be jolly, and a winter wedding can really put the icing on the Christmas cake.

Whether you're the best man, the father of the bride, or the groom himself, giving a seasonal twist to your wedding speech can tap into a wealth of happy feelings and shared nostalgia in the room. From holiday anecdotes to festive gags, season your speech with a little wintry warmth and put some colour in your audience's cheeks.

With Christmas coming up, let's start there. If the marriage you're involved in is in the Christian tradition, you're going to have a hard time competing with the razamataz of December's headline act. The smart couple will have realised this ahead of time and gone with the flow, incorporating a touch of Christmas glamour - a flourish of holly, perhaps, or a traditional tree - into their decoration plans. So get on the bandwagon and theme your speech around the holiday. Culturally, Christmas is a bottomless pool of themes and tropes that you can draw on, so your options are wide open…

  1. I love a December wedding. It's a chance to double down on the celebrations. Really let your hair down. And remember what Christmas - when it comes right down to it - is really all about… presents.

  1. Well, Christmas is just around the corner. We're X days into the advent calendar, and everybody's wondering what they'll wake up to find in a couple of weeks… Everybody except Paul, of course. No waiting for him. He get's to find out what's inside Linda's stockings two weeks early!

  1. Some advice for the bride. The secrets to a happy marriage are the same as the secrets to a happy Christmas. First, stay off the naughty list; be nice to each other, not just during the holidays but all year long. Second, Be prepared; think ahead and plan for each other's needs. And last but most important of all, if there's something you really want from him, don't drop hints - write a list!

  1. Of course, John and Sarah are the perfect couple for a Christmas wedding… He's a card, and she's a cracker!

  1. It's that time of the year, when a rosy-faced, rather chubby old gent, in ridiculous clothes, does is best to make everyone happy, whatever the cost… But enough about me. Has everyone written to Santa?

  1. Personally, I think every man should get married during advent. Because the moment she says yes, your bachelor days are numbered!

  1. And for those of you who are waiting until the tinsel and turkey are out of the way, and squeezing in a wedding this side of New Year's Eve, here are a handful of Hogmanay specials to help you keep the holiday spirit flowing…

  1. I tell you what - there's nothing more environmentally friendly than getting married just after Christmas. The wedding gifts alone must be 80% recycled!

  1. I don't think I'd get married during the holiday season. There's enough to organise at this time of year as it is! I asked John why he and Helen had decided on a New Year wedding and he told me they just wanted to make sure they saw 2017 in with a bang.

  1. I know it's a bit chilly today so I'll keep this short and we can all warm up on the dance floor later. If you're feeling a chill, try moving because you might be sitting in a breeze. Unless you're the bride, in which case, that chill will be the terrifying realisation that you've just married Steve.

  1. I know a lot of you have had to plow through the snow to get here, so thanks to everyone who made the extra effort. Especially the lady at the back, who I overheard talking to her friend earlier. Apparently, she got a good eight inches last night, and she struggled to walk down the driveway this morning! But she still made it here. That's what you call friendship.

  1. At this time of year, it's traditional to look back at the twelve months past. And my goodness, what a lot of drama there's been. Economic disasters, tails of drink and drugs, tears, lies, recriminations and street violence. And that was just Julia's hen weekend!

And finally, the ultimate New Year's resolution recommendation, from a father-of-the-bride to his new son-in-law…

  1. It's New Year, which means it's time to make our resolutions. So, as they begin their married life together, I've just one suggestion apiece for Paul and Linda... Linda should resolve to make all the important decisions from now on, and Paul should resolve to let her. I'm telling you, it's worked wonders for me and the wife!