Tongue in-cheek advice for the newlyweds

Paul, I'd like to leave you with this single piece of advice. Always help Linda with jobs around the house. It's in your best interest. An exhaustive search of police reports shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.

How can Paul and Linda ensure a happy marriage? A lot of advice has already come their way, some which may be of use, some of it may not. For me, the key appears to be understanding women and how they communicate. I’ve always found the following a good guide: If the word “nothing” is uttered, this actually means “something” and you should be on your toes. The statement ‘go ahead’ seemingly means that at some point in the future you are going to be in mighty big trouble. The word ‘fine’ is the word women use to end an argument when they feel that they are right and you need to shut up. Never use the word ‘fine’ to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments. So Paul, if you hear the three words ‘nothing’, ‘go ahead’ and ‘fine’ within a couple of minutes of each other, remember you yourself have three words to fall back on, ‘yes’….‘dear’….’buy it!’