What they've gotten themselves in to

As we give them a proper sendoff tonight, each one of us stands witness to history. Yes, the greatest party animal this side of the Mississippi, my brother Paul, is finally caged. I’m not sure if I should congratulate his new bride or console her, so I will simply say Linda, good luck! The “for better or worse” part of your marriage starts now.

Life carries few guarantees, Linda, but I can promise you this: Your life with Paul will not be dull. If you ever feared growing old in a rocking chair on some dusty front porch, don’t worry. That is someone else’s future, not yours. (Looks around the room stroking chin) Well, let’s not point fingers.