Icebreaker for a skinny best man

I happen to know there's a scandalous rumour circulating that I made the journey up here today by fax! But I'd like to refute that claim, along with the false assertion that the only reason I’m here is to make the wedding cake look bigger.

I wish Paul hadn’t chosen black suits for us to wear today. It really doesn’t help a man of slight build. When they get the wedding photos back people will wonder why there’s one of the ushers with a rolled up umbrella.