Humorous wedding observations

Any of you who are already married will know all too well how the weeks leading up to a wedding can be stressful ones. Paul won’t mind me telling you at one point he was running around the place like a madman, tearing his hair out and crying ‘I can’t do it! I can’t do it!’ I had to buy him a stiff drink, put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and tell him to man up. Sure enough, he eventually managed to get his laces tied.

I've been informed that Claire's wedding preparations have been executed with military precision, with specific timings, instructions and co-ordinates all followed to the letter. Jamie's preparations have been more like a military tattoo, given he's spent the past week marching back and forth for no particular reason while dressed up all fancy.

I'm impressed with how calm Tony's been today actually. It's in his nature to panic. He had six whiskies on the morning of our five-a-side team's cup final, he went through four stress balls on my wedding day, and he took three pairs of underpants to his last work review. But today he's been as calm as a Hindu cow - ketamine will do that to a man.