Opening lines

I must confess that when Paul asked me to be his best man, I was terrified about making a speech. So first of all, I’d like to thank Mr Jack Daniels for giving me the liquid courage to get up here. For those of you don’t know Jack, he’s the main bartender – and he has a huge bottle of Famous Grouse.

I've only been Ian's Best Man for eight hours now, and already it's the hardest job I've ever had. Get him cleaned up, get him dressed, look after his ring; it's like Magaluf all over again.

I was honoured when Liam chose me to be his Best Man. Quite literally, honoured. He made me get down on one knee while he tapped both of my shoulders with his umbrella. 'Arise, Best Man' he shouted. We got some proper weird looks in Tiger Tiger, I can tell you.