Humorous wedding observations

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  1. I started preparing this speech by writing a list of all the wild times – the strip clubs, the opium dens, the dog fights, that time we hotwired a Harrier Jump Jet. We’ve had some great times, Linda and I.

  2. Writing this speech has been a lot like my wedding night actually; I promised much, underdelivered, and it caused me a lot of grief. Oh, and there are a few things I forgot to insert.

  3. If I look a little stressed it's because I only wrote this speech this morning on the back of a fag packet. But if you're thinking that means it'll be short, you're out of luck. I was that worried, I smoked my way through fifteen packs.