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I would like to start by saying what a pleasure it is to welcome, on this very happy day all relatives and friends of both families. Apart from a few local school friends everybody else has traveled at least a hundred miles to attend this occasion. It shows how much you love and respect the bride and groom. Either that or you just came for the free meal. But even that comes at a cost, because now you have to listen to me.

Good evening everyone and on behalf of the wedding party, welcome to Paul and Linda’s special day! First of all I would like to thank you all for coming tonight, which is easy for me to say, as I am not paying for the open bar. Paul, what are you laughing at? That is like calling the kettle black my friend. Linda, I am just so proud of you putting up with Mr. Whiskey A-Go-Go over here.

I'd like to thank everyone on behalf of the bride and groom for sharing their wedding day. Particularly both sets of parents, Alan and Carol and Ray and Sally, for making this day possible - biologically and financially. Also a special thanks to those of you who traveled a long distance to be here. Personally, I wish that you all had stayed at home, as this would be a lot easier on me. But I stand here as proof to the lengths a man will go to for a free meal.

Ladies and gentlemen, before starting, there is a disclaimer - my speech does not contain any original material so, if anyone is offended, it’s got nothing to do with me.

Since this is the first time I am meeting many of you, I think I should introduce myself; I’m Jason and it's my pleasure to be here today. However, it’s a nerve-racking business being a Best Man. It calls for good organization, lots of confidence, wit and charm. That is why Linda thinks Paul is the best man here today! She is, of course, right. And I wish I could borrow some of his attributes, because I'm going to need them if I'm to get anywhere with the beautiful bridesmaids!

Before I begin, ladies and gentlemen, can I have another round of applause for Mr Paul Wilson. I've known this man for 14 years, and that is the longest I have heard him speak without swearing … or mentioning 'the boat'.

I've known the groom for a number of years and of course there are plenty of things I could tell you about what he got up to in his younger days. However, at the bride's request I've been asked to keep things to a minimum... and only talk about his positive attributes.

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen. I’m very disappointed at the moment, but I hope it doesn’t show. It’s just that this is the first time Paul has ever paid for my dinner, and I’ve been too nervous to eat anything.

Hi I’m Greg – and I wish to extend a warm welcome to each one of you tonight. I hope you like these wedding suits. To make sure I would be able to fit into mine I’ve been watching my weight. As you can see I’ve had it right out in front of me where I can see it best.

My first impression of Paul was "WOW, this guy really knows how to dress." In fact, as we became friends I started copying what he was wearing - until my mom stopped me from taking clothes from her closet.