Introducing yourself

Hello, my name is Jason. Wow, standing up and introducing myself to you lot feels like I’ve just walked into the biggest failure of an Alcoholics Anonymous group ever. Get ready for that toast…

For those of you who don't know, I have been Daniel's friend for over ten years. We first met in 1989. Any mathematicians among you may have worked out that this means we've known each other for 29 years, but in the early days I thought he was a bit of a prick. Also, by saying 'over ten years' it helps us both forget how bloody old we both are.

Dominic is my baby brother and it's a pleasure to stand here today and see him marry the woman of his dreams. I can assure you Caroline he was utterly faithful to you throughout your courtship and especially the stag do. I mean, what exactly was he going to do when I was there. Don't forget. I know his mum.