Opening lines

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think I was chosen as best man because of my looks or charisma. In actual fact, I think it’s because I recently bought a new tie.

Harry's decision to pick me as his best man was less of a choice and more a formality. Not because I'm better at speaking or more fun than the rest of our mates. It's just that the best man is in lots of the wedding photos, and it'd take forever to photoshop out Dan and Lee's electronic tags.

It is a known fact that attractive women often make friends with homely girls to make themselves seem prettier. Similarly, I've been chosen to be best man because Will knows I have the public speaking ability of a pre-pubescent teenage boy, and by comparison he'll sound like Abraham Lincoln.