Little to Say About the Groom
You are determined to make an entertaining speech, get a few laughs and become a positive talking point of the day. But there's a slight problem: the groom's past and personality have left you short of Best Man Speech material. It may be that you're faced with a groom who has led an unusually sober and uneventful life. Or the opposite might apply - you have been warned not to dig up any dodgy skeletons. Either way, don't panic… there are plenty of alternative avenues of humour to explore.
The key is to be bold. Kick things off with a topical wedding-themed icebreaker, as this will show everybody that you've been thinking about the speech right up to the last minute.
Then openly acknowledge your predicament when it came to penning this speech (SEE EXAMPLES). Subtly steer the attention away from the groom, and on to yourself and your own shortcomings (SEE EXAMPLES). Focussing on your outfit is always a reliable source of mirth (SEE EXAMPLES), while your bad drinking habits are another self-deprecation tool at your disposal (SEE EXAMPLES).
If you are a best man bachelor, use your status either to vent frustration and jealously towards the groom, or to crow gleefully about your continued exploits (SEE EXAMPLES). If you are a married man, that's easy too… just describe the 'joys' of marriage that await the groom (SEE EXAMPLES).
You might want to recall being propositioned to be best man. You can either gush about what a huge honour it is (embellish the truth where necessary), or humbly suggest you don't know why you were asked (SEE EXAMPLES). Next, how about taking some time to describe the many duties you've so masterfully performed today, or will perform later on in the evening's festivities (SEE EXAMPLES).
Another golden opportunity to get the audience on side, and fill time without having to mention the groom, is to comment favourably on the bride's appearance (SEE EXAMPLES)… so don't pass it up!
There are also plenty joke opportunities within the context of the occasion. Start with particulars of the day - Is there anything unique (and so humour-worthy) about the venue? (SEE EXAMPLES).
If the wedding happens to be taking place overseas, this presents a whole cornucopia of material you can use and adapt to secure a chortle (SEE EXAMPLES). And wherever you are in the world, gags about the weather, catering, guests and their wedding gifts always work. (SEE EXAMPLES).
Now it's time to get back to the bride and groom. If you're concerned about a shortfall in material, don't feel guilty about stretching and/or fabricating the truth. Remember, your speech isn't judged on factual accuracy; what counts is entertainment value. So, then, how about recalling an amusing anecdote (whatever the degree of truth) about the lead-up to the big day (SEE EXAMPLES)?
Next, describe how the couple met. Consider mentioning their first date (SEE EXAMPLES) or the engagement proposal (SEE EXAMPLES). Is there a particular courtship incident (SEE EXAMPLES) that you could put a comedic spin on? Perhaps you can turn their growing love (SEE EXAMPLES) or the things they see in each other (SEE EXAMPLES) into a rich source of humour. Was there something funny about the groom's first time meeting his future in-laws (SEE EXAMPLES), or the happy couple's marital hopes (SEE EXAMPLES)? Has the groom changed much since he began to date the bride, or since the moment he popped the question (SEE EXAMPLES)? Of course he has.
If the above ideas don't appeal to you, that's no problem - there are plenty of other options. Date hooks (SEE EXAMPLES) and fictitious messages (SEE EXAMPLES) can help flesh out a speech, as can warning the groom of the many marital hazards lying in the road ahead (SEE EXAMPLES).
Of course, humour is vital - it's what you are there for - but you shouldn't end you speech without saying something sincere about the couple (SEE EXAMPLES) and the fact they're both wonderful people who wholeheartedly deserve all the joy they will bring to one another (SEE EXAMPLES).
Before you wrap up, take a moment to explain what will happen next. Perhaps people will have the chance to let their hair down (SEE EXAMPLES), or maybe the bride and groom will be off on their honeymoon (SEE EXAMPLES)? This is basically admin, but if it's funny it can help fill out a speech.
Finally, offer up that final toast (SEE EXAMPLES)… and enjoy your well-earned glass of champers.