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Best Man Speeches

Choose from thousands of cracking lines, comical anecdotes, jokes, tributes, roasts and toasts at thebestmanspeech.com and build your perfect best man speech today.

Line for this week

"It’s odd, but when I look at my friend (Groom) on this, his wedding day, I’m instantly reminded of the England squad. I mean, look at him… Incredibly surprised to be here at all, and already thinking about getting back to the hotel. The only difference is that (Groom) can be more or less confident that he will score… barring personal injury, or an unexpected red card."

Line Of The Month

"Here's to a well-organized wedding! Nothing has been left to chance or overlooked in the run-up to this day. Paul even prepared a spreadsheet listing the probability of attendance for each guest. He had Linda down as 100 percent. Which I thought was a bit presumptuous."

Line from the vault

"I've been anxious about giving this speech for a while now. Fortunately last night I slept like a baby. Waking up every two hours and bawling my eyes out. Ten minutes ago, I had to ask a complete stranger to burp me."

Line just added

"The bridesmaids have retained their radiance and dignity all day, apart from that brief episode when the bouquet was thrown. It was like watching a girl group scrabble over a solo recording contract with Simon Cowell."

Best Man Basics

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Material

Best Man Speech Explained

The best man's formal speech duties are typically light, involving perhaps the occasional short tribute or response to a toast. Then it's time for the mayhem, with a full and frank character assassination of the groom your primary goal. This can take the form of entertaining stories, deft one-liners or illuminating observations, and then, after the odd sprinkling of sentiment, you'll want to ramp things up with a killer ending to make your speech as memorable as possible.

Tips on how to write a best man speech

Be optimistic and congratulatory towards the newlyweds, even if you know it's not going to last.
By complimenting the bride, her mother and her bridesmaids, you'll get a guaranteed round of applause.
Make people laugh and get to the point. Wedding speech jokes are best delivered with short, sharp lines.
Jokes based on a common experience are a great way to unite the wedding guests.
Don't insult the bride or her friends, unless you're happy to undergo an impromptu vasectomy under the table.
Never refer to ex-girlfriends or boyfriends, especially if they're there.
Use anecdotes that everyone can relate to, and which don't require a lengthy backstory to explain.
Try to say everything in less than 9 minutes.
Avoid gimmicks. If your speech relies on props, videos or a dance routine, it's probably about as funny as your neighbour's holiday snaps.
Sugar the pill. If you've dedicated a significant portion of your speech to mocking someone, at least say they turned up looking nice today.

Editors' Picks

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Material for Single Best Men

The best man speech is often seen as an opportunity for insulting a close friend without consequence, and while this is undoubtedly a major part of it, the barbs and jibes are by no means everything. Best Men can also throw in some wedding-appropriate material about themselves ...

"Some of you might have noticed I'm not with anyone today. But before you get any ideas you should know I do have a girlfriend. She's a stage-hand from a local theatre company. I just didn't want to risk bringing her to the wedding in case she made a scene."

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"This speech won't be too long today as I've got a hot date lined up after the ceremony. She's tall, thin and pasty with fiery red hair. I met her on match dot com."

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"Being Best Man is obviously a huge source of pride for me, but if truth be told, by coming here today I have had to let a girl down. Don't worry though, when I get back to the hotel I'll bust out the foot pump and the night is ours."

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"I'm here on my own today but don't feel sorry for me. It's just that I've not known my girlfriend long enough for her to be invited to the wedding. Just met her actually. We know so little about each other. I don't know her phone number, she doesn't know my last name. I don't know what she likes to drink, she doesn't know she's my girlfriend. There she is, over there preparing the coffee."

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BOTTOM OF MY HEART

A best man offers advice to the bride on how to handle her husband.

Building Blocks

Tap into the world's most comprehensive and most frequently up-dated collection of ready-made best man speeches.

Best Man Speeches

Line for this week

Line Of The Month

Line from the vault

Line just added

Best Man Basics

Best Man Speech Explained

Tips on how to write a best man speech

Editors' Picks

Material for Single Best Men

BOTTOM OF MY HEART

Building Blocks

Start Here With Opening Lines

Roasting the Groom

Praising the Groom

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Humorous Wedding Observations

Introducing Yourself

Best Man's Relation To Groom

Groom Character Assassination

Amusing Friendship Reminisces

Entertaining Version of Bride & Groom's Romance

Humorous Take on Bride & Groom's Relationship

Groom Tribute

Wedding day compliments

Bride Compliments

Newlywed Compliments

Humorous Closing Lines

Sentimental Closing Lines

Thank Yous

Toasts

Speech Hooks

Addressing Delicate Issues

Lines to avoid

Contingency Lines

Example Speeches

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