Recently added best man material

To keep all our best man speech content current, we add brand new material to the site every day, with all content written by a variety of professional comic, script and speech writers. Here's just a small selection of this month's new lines, now added to our ever-expanding speech content database:

(A sample of the new lines we've added in September)

  1. [Revealing a funny groom trait / iPhone obsessed]

    Did you know there is now an app which you can use on a pair of newlyweds, to see where they’ll be in five years’ time? [Waves phone over bride and groom, then checks for results].. Wow, Paul, you’ll be driving Linda about in a Porsche, while speaking fluent Italian. Oh hang on, sorry, that isn’t you.

  2. [Mocking groom’s hobbies / Golf]

    Not long after they announced their engagement, Linda assured me that even after the wedding Paul and I would still be able to play golf together. This was a nice gesture, but the nearest golf course is twenty miles away… and we wouldn’t have made it back in time for the meal.

  3. [Revealing a funny groom trait / Goody two shoes]

    Paul’s so straight laced even his stag weekend passed harmlessly by without incident – well, except for one moment of madness with a Shetland pony, which Paul swears blind he was only trying to push through the fence.

  4. [Opening lines / Short speech icebreaker]

    I’m not going to go on for too long. I don’t want to wreck things with my prattling. Nothing would spoil a wedding more … unless (Groom) came out of the wedding suite bathroom wearing a onesie.

  5. [Revealing a funny groom trait / Heckler]

    If you think this speech is a little stop-start, it’s not because I’m a bad public speaker; I’ve simply written in gaps where I assume the groom will heckle me.

  6. [Revealing a funny groom trait / Know it all]

    Of course, marriage for everybody is a major adjustment. For example… before today, as a single man, Paul had the answers to everything. Now, as a married man, he has the answers to nothing.

  7. [Humorous wedding observations / Wedding location]

    Wedding location: Far East
    Ladies and gentlemen, to put my nerves about having to make this speech into perspective, I am pleased to announce that I have finally overcome a lifelong fear of squat toilets.

  8. [Revealing a funny groom trait / Tight with money]

    Thanks to Paul’s tight nature, this wedding marked the first time that Paul opened his wallet for years. And that’s only because he thought the Catholic Church was part of the Nectar card scheme.

  9. [Mocking groom’s career / Lawyer]

    I know you’re a lawyer Paul, that’s why I’ve not written down my speech. I’d rather go down for slander than libel.

  10. [Mocking groom’s career / Journalist]

    Paul was over the moon when he first got Linda’s phone number. It was his first successful attempt at phone hacking.