Introducing your subject

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  1. My main duty today is to give you all an introduction to the groom, relating tales about his crazy adventures as a young man, his run-ins with the police, and the marathon sessions in the pub. I should then introduce the benevolent influence of the bride on our young hero, as she struggled to tame a man with an approach to life that combined ape-like urges with gay abandon. Of course, I can't cover everything, so I'm just going to concentrate on the gay abandon.

  2. It's a wonderful honour to stand before a room full of interested, attentive people and talk in tribute to a man of high achievement, flawless integrity, piercing intellect and impeccable wit - and if I ever get that opportunity, I'll be sure to make the most of it.

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