Self deprecating icebreaker

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank all of you for being here today, especially those of you who knew that I'd be saying a few words - it’s very touching that you still decided to come.

Right, I’d just like to start by laying down a couple of rules. Firstly, no heckling please. And secondly, if you do have a mobile phone…please, leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. I think if you keep your spirits high and your expectations low, everyone will be happy.