Icebreakers to avoid

Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, it is customary at this point for the best man to slaughter the groom. Well, to reflect the equal status of women in the modern world, I thought I'd break with tradition and talk instead about the bride – and how Paul selected her from a drop-down list.

Ladies and gentlemen - I haven't tried to memorise my speech as the after effects of the stag night have left me with a short attention span… but it was worth it to see Paul with those strippers.