Covering only the essentials
Public speaking can be a daunting prospect. It's one of the great ironies of weddings that while the best man is expected to make a speech which many expect to be the day's comedy highlight, inside he is often feeling anything but humorous. It's not unprecedented for some to turn down the role of best man altogether, purely to wriggle out of having to make such a speech. However, that's a real shame, because it's a nerve-wracking day for the groom too, and he specifically wants your support.
If you've decided to take on the responsibility, but you are feeling the nerves, your best option is to deliver a succinct speech that simply covers the basics. Remember: no-one is looking to criticise you, and as long as you've covered the essentials, and added a sprinkle of humour, you've done your job.
Here's an outline for a speedy speech, with lines requiring varying degrees of comedic confidence…
First, start with a welcome; this makes everyone feel at home, and ensures you have their attention from the start. This opening should also acknowledge what you are here to do (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES).
Whenever you're meeting new people, it's polite to introduce yourself, and a best man speech is no exception. So now tell everyone why you're currently interrupting their drinking (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES).
As you have decided to keep your speech short and sweet, you should be honest and tell your guests of your intention. You can even explain the reasons, which are ripe for comedy (SEE EXAMPLES).
Next, you should comment favourably on the proceedings of the day (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES)… and don't forget to (tastefully) comment on how beautiful the bride looks (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES). But no perving!
Say how honoured you are to be part of this special day (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES), how grateful you are for the groom's friendship (SEE EXAMPLES), and what a catch he is for the bride (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES) - and while these should all have underlying sincerity you can also keep your tongue firmly in cheek.
Next, you should express heartfelt delight (and perhaps surprise) that your best friend managed to land such an incredible specimen of womanhood (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES), then declare what a perfect couple they make and how you always knew they were meant for each other (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES).
Finally, offer the newlyweds your warmest congratulations and best wishes for the future (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES) then finish up with a short but moving toast to the bride and groom (FUNNY EXAMPLES / HEARTFELT EXAMPLES).
And that's it - your work here is done. Now enjoy a glass of wine and try it on with the bridesmaids!