Let's be honest, however great an honour it may be, your best buddy has just saddled you with the biggest speech of the day. What better way to exact your revenge than to give the groom the roasting he so deserves?
That said, nobody wants the wedding party to go straight from the reception to the divorce courts, so your humour will need to be pitched just right. You want them rolling in the isles, not wrestling. Stick to this simple guide and your best man's speech will be remembered for all the right reasons …
Ex-girlfriends
Nobody wants to hear about exes at a wedding. Not girlfriends, and especially not wives. You might have the funniest story in the world (remember the time Dave got blind drunk on peach schnapps and accidentally joined the Belgian Navy?) but if it involves his ex, save it for the stag night.
In-jokes Out
It's safe to say you know the groom pretty well, but not everybody in your audience will. Keep your humour broad, and pick on traits that are obvious to everyone, or at least easily explained …
If he's 6'4" and built like a bomb shelter -
If he works in sales -
If he's the quiet one in the couple -
Don't They Look Lovely?
Convention dictates that regardless of the truth of the matter, guests at a wedding are required to acknowledge that the bride is the most physically enchanting and beautiful specimen of feminine humanity present. This is not always easy, but it is doubly important for the best man, even if - no, especially if - she looks like a doner kebab wrapped in net curtains. The groom, on the other hand, is fair game …
If he's usually a scruff -
If he's been trying to get in shape for the big day -
The Big Day
As a theme for humour, you can't get better than the day itself. Weddings are common ground for everyone present, so work in a gag or two that's guaranteed to keep everyone happy …If you're still single -
If they're planning a family -
Know Your Limits
You're not out to shock, or to damage budding inter-family relations. With that in mind, avoid real-life sensitive subjects. A joke about doing jail time, for example, isn't funny if the groom's out on parole. Don't play on his looks if he's missing an ear. Don't tell them about the time he was mugged by girls. Money troubles, embarrassing tattoos, erectile dysfunction … all no-nos.Share The Pain
Finally, if you're going to dish it out, save a slice for yourself. A little self-deprecation will get the crowd on your side and reduce the likelihood of the groom knocking your teeth out after the speeches …
If you're a bit of a Hell raiser -
If you're a reluctant speaker -