Best man jokes for weddings in August

For weddings August 6-13

I was keen to work a topical gag into my speech today, but I was struggling to find a news story that I could connect to (Groom) and the long line of, frankly, dodgy girlfriends he had before he met the lovely (Bride)... Then I noticed it was Cowes Week.

For weddings August 5-29

Comedians are flocking North this week as The Edinburgh Festival begins. A darkened room, laughter, whisky, and yes - the occasional flop… that’s the festival experience… or a typical night for (Groom), depending on how you look at it.

For weddings August 10

On This Day in 2003 - Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles above the earth in the international space station. It was the first-ever space marriage and like (Groom) he was over the moon, flying high and looking forward to re-entry.

For weddings August 11

I think it's an interesting fact that this day in 1934 the infamous Alcatraz prison, in San Francisco harbour, accepted its first inmates. Young men were taken away from their families to live a life of solitude and unending obedience. I'm sure that (Bride’s) choice of this as their wedding day was purely coincidental.

For weddings August 15-17

Marriage means you can look forward to spending every day together, side by side, sharing the same interests, doing the same things… Unless you get married at the start of the footie season, like (Bride & Groom), then it’s more like a suspended sentence, to commence in nine months time. Sorry, (Bride), but you knew what you were getting into.

For weddings August 15-17

The new football season is upon us. Nine months of anguish, despair, depression, thwarted ambition and broken dreams. You should tune in, (Bride). It’ll be good practice for life with (Groom).

For weddings August 19

Did you know, (Bride), that on August the 19th in 1934, Adolf Hitler was approved as Germany’s Fuhrer. The sole executive power. Absolute authority. And everyone loved him at first… I’m just saying… keep an eye on him.

For weddings August 28-29

Music, dancing, big dresses; it’s a bit like the Notting Hill Carnival here today… only with less of a police presence. Let’s try to keep it that way, (Groom), eh?

For weddings August 31

A bank holiday wedding! What better way to guarantee rain / sleet / hail / freak tornadoes / traffic jams / seaside riots… Sorry, in my notes it says ‘delete as applicable’.

For weddings August 26

It was on this day in 2011 that a team of explores became the first to row to the North Pole, and (Groom) may be able to learn from their heroic example as he embarks upon married life. Be prepared for rough seas and cold weather. When you hit a rough patch, pull together and you'll make it through. Remember that the challenges of today are also the 'good times' you'll look back on later. I know you'll make a great husband to (Bride), (Groom). Just don't expect to be dipping your oar quite so often ten years down the road.

For weddings August 28

August the 28th… You know, it’s 52 years - just over half a century - since Dr Martin Luther King stood in front of 250,000 Americans and proclaimed ‘I have a dream!’ (Groom) once told me he had a dream too. But it involved going on Jim'll Fix It to sing 'Two Little Boys' with Rolf Harris. Could’ve ended badly.

For weddings August 1-31

The way Britain decided to leave Europe was similar to how (Groom) felt when he first considered proposing to (Bride). He weighed up the pros and cons, worried about the future, considered the financial benefits, but mostly did it to stop other people gaining entry.